Remember When We Danced: It's A Slow Fade...

I have been pondering many things in my heart today. It is difficult for me to find words to express them, but I feel that the Lord wants me to try. The lessons I learn from Him are new every morning, and I am truly thankful that He continually challenges me to reflect the image of His Son. It is my honor and privilege, as His cherished child, to share with you the words the Holy Spirit has given me. Since I cannot find the words on my own, I will share with you the cry in my heart and allow His words to speak through the imperfection of my own.

As I have spent the past month preparing to lead worship for the Women's Retreat this upcoming weekend, over and over again I have found myself undone. Rarely can I sing through any of the songs without tears welling up in my eyes or breaking down and weeping. I've often heard it said that it's not our destination that measures our character, but the steps we took to get there.

I believe that the Lord has chosen me to lead these women in worship, not because I am qualified, but because I relate to the message more than they could ever know. The theme of the weekend is about Satan's lies versus God's Truth. My heart breaks as I realize how many times in my life I have chosen to believe the lies of this dark world and left the precious Truth behind.

In my Quiet Time this morning I found myself daring to ask a question that I never imagined I'd ever have to face the answer to. A question that would force me to face the reason for the personal struggles and sin in my life...

"Am I living a lie?"

I was not prepared to consider this question, much less dig deep enough to find the answer. The truth is, every sin in my life is a result of choosing to believe the lies of this world instead of the Voice of Truth that lives within me. The struggles of my adult life are no different than those of my childhood. Satan's not creative, he's just persistent. Day by day, the more I exposed myself to the corruption of these lies, the more I started to believe them. I soon found myself believing that I was only worth what others told me I was. How painful it is to recall the nights as a child when I would cry out for the Lord to make the lies in my head stop. I longed to hear the sweet voice of my Savior whispering the words of Jeremiah 1:8: "Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you."

I made a choice 3 years ago to give up everything in my life that hindered me from hearing the Holy Spirit's whisper. I knew that, if I was ever going to hear His whispers through the lies, I would need to spend more time around the Truth than the world. I gave up television, movies, music, relationships, hobbies, books... anything that hindered instead of helped. Since I worked in a secular environment, I spent my drive to and from work listening to worship music and praying. I would spend my hour lunch break in the Word, and spent my mornings and nights in prayer, Scripture, and Christian fellowship. I wanted desperately for the Lord to use me to witness to the world, but I knew that I needed to break free of my worldly chains before I could help others do the same. We cannot save others if we do not first save ourselves.

The only thing more painful than breaking the chains of sin is not breaking them. They will strangle us and steal from us the joy and peace that are found in allowing ourselves to be freed from sin by the Truth. There is nothing more difficult and painful than breaking each link one by one. In some ways, we feel like it has become part of us. We have come to identify our self-worth from each link... each lie that we have believed. "People never crumble in a day. It's a slow fade..."